Meno-Pause

I knew there would be hot flashes, there were. I heard about a plummeting sex drive (that wouldn’t happen to me) it did. Weight gain, check. Irregular periods.. I went two years without one, then BAM! one day in August, a bonafide period. I have not had one since. I did not realize my breasts would deflate. I can fold them now. They were once full and dense. I guess mammograms will be more accurate now. I don’t really mind my new (old) breasts. In fact, I’m kind of liking them. They feel lighter, while the rest of me feels weighted down. I have no children. I worried that I would reach the point where it was no longer an option and I would hit a wall and I would break. Break down. Shatter. But that has not happened. I am more accepting of what is and what has not come to be. Less reactive. Less intense. But I am not done. Life is not over. Quite the contrary, I am revving up. I am cocooning. Recharging. Getting ready to live MY life. To live with passion. To indulge in what I’ve denied. To be free. For now, I am simply in pause.